


i am a being of thunder and lightning { yet i no longer want to be. }

by SHINeeNAilee



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Aftermath of TWC, Gen, Hopefully accurate descriptions of PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-13 19:32:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10520364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SHINeeNAilee/pseuds/SHINeeNAilee
Summary: Sometimes, it's not the physical consequences that are the most painful.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Birthday, Li Tsubasa, Li Syaoran ( TRC ), Li Sakura, Kimihiro Watanuki, and Kinomoto Sakura!

It begins with a fight. 

( No, that's not entirely correct. It begun long before, at the Utaki, when the smile slips off of his face and he's forced to fight, but it doesn't show itself until now. ) 

The familiar incantation on his lips, lightning starting to crackle around his fingertips, and then-- 

A flash. 

His mirror image, his father, falling to the ground in front of him, features _twisted_ in pain. No screams had left his lips, not after the first strike, nor after the second strike. _He_ had screamed, agonised over striking his own father, defenceless against magic, down. Warm body cradled in his arms, blood dripping on his clothes, tears falling from his eyes; his father's breaths grew weaker...

"Kid!" 

He snaps out of his thoughts at Kurogane's cry, just in time to lean backward so that the sword that had been about to cut his throat open would only leave a shallow slice on his neck. A foot rises up to kick the sword out of his attacker's hand, and he grabs the sword in midair and uses the butt of it to knock his attacker unconscious. One last grunt, and he could hear the last attacker from the mob fall to the ground, unconscious, but he does not look up. No, after he drops the sword next to the unconscious man, he stares at his own trembling hands. 

_What was that?_

A hand grasps his chin ( causing him to flinch ), bringing his face up so that Fai could look into his eyes. The deeply worried expression on the mage's face makes him feel apologetic--he hadn't meant to worry them ( he hadn't meant this at all ). "Syaoran- _kun_ , are you alright?" 

"I--I'm fine," he stammers, not exactly knowing why everything suddenly seems too bright, too loud. His skin itches, his hands shake, and all he wants to do is **_get_ _out_**. 

It almost seems as if Fai has read his mind because he lets go and, with a look, staves off whatever aggressive statement, born out of worry, Kurogane might have given. "Let's get back to the apartment then, hm?" 

* * *

 

It never hurts him--the lightning. He feels its power in his fingers, can feel the rumble through his body. Lightning had always been the easiest element for him to control, mainly in the way that he doesn't need to _control_ it. He points the lightning where it needs to go, feeds it power, and lets it fly. 

And so it does. To his father. To his mother. To Kurogane. To Fai. To Kimihiro. To Mokona. To _Sakura_. 

He can see them all kneeling, bleeding, their breaths slowing down, all in his arms. He's powerless to stop them from dying because it's always easier to destroy rather than save. He's unable to save them from the deaths that he caused. Frozen. Trapped. **_Weak_**. 

_[ You are no different from me, O Descendant of Clow Reed. ]_

* * *

 

He manages to choke back the scream before it leaves his throat, eyes snapping open. He starts to shudder as he curls up on his side, fingers reaching to grab the back of his neck, and he squeezes--just to feel... _something_. So he knows that this isn't a dream. 

He knows that Kurogane and Fai are probably awake--have been since he ~~possibly~~ had been thrashing around. He also knows that if he leaves his room, Fai will be waiting with a warm cup of hot chocolate while Kurogane will be waiting with the liquor, just in case he wants to add a little kick to his drink--or to just get the kick. They'll wait for him to talk if he wants to, or they'll just be there to try to brighten up the night with fake, comical arguments. Mokona would wake up later, as she tends to be a deep sleeper, but she'd be ready to hug him if she senses that he needs one. 

But, he just--he can't deal with that right now, his friends. His heart is pounding, he feels as if he cannot breathe. He tries to slow his breathing, taking long, deep breaths, and it seems to help, a little, but his thoughts are racing. 

This is not the first time he's had a nightmare, nor does he think it'll be the last, but there's something about this nightmare that's... _different_. He can't quite put a finger on it, but he looks at his trembling hands, thinks to earlier that day, and shudders again ( remembering how the lightning felt dancing on his fingers ). 

**Author's Note:**

> I got this idea while writing a happier drabble for Tsubasa's birthday, if ya believe it. Because, honestly, you'd think there would be TRAUMA of striking your father down with lightning and having him almost die in your arms.


End file.
